(ABOVE) Can’t get enough of white button-up shirts with skinny jeans.
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May 2, 2018 / Video Post Notes
GATHERING THE FIERCENESS WITHIN
Wisdom of a Candy Wrapper
I didn’t talk about this in my video, but I met a girlfriend for lunch last week, and I can’t stop thinking about something she read to me.
After we had finished our salads, she unwrapped and ate two small chocolates stashed in her purse. Then, smoothing out their two-inch green wrappers with her pretty, manicured hands, she read me the quotes printed inside of the crinkled but flattened foil squares.
This is the one that is still pestering me: “Be fiercely authentic.”
“That can be scary to do,” I said, thinking of all the times I’ve upheld just a simple boundary or told someone no, only to have them upset with me.
I hate disappointing people and, even more so, confrontation. When I think of actually being fierce in my life…it feels like then I’d offend people that much more.
The Rough and Tumble World of YouTube
It doesn’t take much to set others off. I know this by the angry, all-cap (use your imagination) comments I’ve received on my YouTube videos–thankfully there aren’t many of them–and yet, on all my social media platforms, including YouTube, I always try to be respectful and benign.
I understand that the angry comments reflect a long-festering discomfort inside those people themselves. Also I understand that their offendedness has nothing to do with me. As I learned years ago, if someone is hysterical, the issue is historical. Still, it’s dispiriting when others are offended by even the tiny bit of myself I show on social media–my style and my health journey. If the things I’ve posted so far get people riled up, I can’t imagine the kind of all-cap comments I’d receive if I shared some other parts of me.
What’s so…frustrating is, I want to be someone who brings healing, peace, and joy into the world. However, I also want to feel free and confident in expressing who I am–in both my relationships and in my creative pursuits like my blog and my YouTube channel–whether or not others agree with me.
Which circles me back to that quote and, more specifically, to the word fierce. Even though I’m much better than I was 10 years ago at not letting other people’s feelings and opinions about me get to me, I still cause myself too much stress over them, especially when it comes to my family, close friends, or clients.
That this quote has come into my life at this particular point is more than coincidence. I’ve been feeling for some time as if I’m at a juncture. I’ve successfully climbed a mountain, but ever since then I’ve been on a plateau, idling, procrastinating, looking at the rest of the mountain looming up in front of me. I could easily stay where I am, safe and comfortable, but I’d only regret it if I did.
The mountain and fierceness must be the way. My own kind of fierceness, that is, which may not seem fierce to anyone else.
One step in front of the other….
Thank you so much for listening. You can’t imagine how much it means to me.
All the best to you.
~Janis Lyn Johnson
P.S. Please share what you think about being fiercely authentic. I’d love to know, and I’m sure that others would, too. Are you fiercely authentic? If you are, please share how you do it. If you aren’t, please share if you think it’s for a good or not-so-good reason.
P.S.S. These photographs and the video at the bottom of this post are of a recent lunch-date with my husband OOTD. 🙂
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